WASHINGTON (The Trough) — At 0800 hours, eight million Americans mobilized across 3,300 tactical locations to verify that the central premise of the Revolutionary War remains valid. The nationwide deployment, formally known as the third "No Kings" protest, saw citizens urgently informing the federal government that the divine right of rule was patched out of the system in the 18th century.

The sheer logistics of reminding the executive branch about the basic existence of the Constitution required mass coordination. Civilians engaged in sustained, non-violent sign-holding to combat what they described as a creeping glitch in the democratic firmware.

"We are currently holding the line against the 12th century," reported field operative and local barista Greg Tildon, shouting over the din of a Bruce Springsteen concert in Minnesota. "If we do not chant 'No Kings' loudly enough today, the president legally gets a scepter tomorrow. That is just how the paperwork functions now."

Administration forces responded with strategic apathy, officially reclassifying the largest civilian mobilization in American history as a mass psychological event.

"We are closely monitoring the nationwide therapy session," confirmed White House Deputy Director of Reality Denial Sarah Vance. "The president has graciously allowed these peasants to vent their constitutional delusions before he unilaterally declares war on another time zone."

By nightfall, the operation was deemed a tentative success, temporarily delaying the coronation until at least next Tuesday.