King Charles Formally Adds Lionel Richie’s Silence To Declaration Of Grievances
Monarch argues that 250 years of independence does not excuse the lack of a private 'Dancing On The Ceiling' performance
EntertainmentBy Oinkwell
Entertainment
Film, gaming, TV, and the spectacles that distract us from reality.
Nation's Viewers Thrilled To Finally Watch Cooking Shows Without The Burden Of Unbranded Kitchenware
The Trough reports that the only thing more refreshing than authentic storytelling is a 4K close-up of a built-in dishwasher's internal rack system.
EntertainmentBy Sow Jones
A24 Announces New Film 'The Drama' Will Contain At Least Three Separate Instances Of Someone Saying The Drama
Studio confirms that if the audience fails to understand the characters are in a state of high-concept emotional turmoil, the title will flash on screen until they do
EntertainmentBy Oinkwell
Streaming Platform Launches 'The Blank Screen' To Save Users The Burden Of Watching Shows
The eight-hour loop of featureless gray has already been hailed by critics as the most honest piece of content in the history of television.
EntertainmentBy Oinkwell
Netflix Executives Require Every Wedding To Include At Least One Ritual Sacrifice To Ensure Prestige Status
Streaming platform adds mandatory 'existential dread' clause to all rom-com contracts, banning happy endings in favor of occult trauma metaphors.
EntertainmentBy Sow Jones
Streaming Platform Finally Releases Show Designed Specifically To Be Ignored
The $14.99-a-month service reports that its new 10-hour tax audit loop is currently its highest-rated program among viewers who are looking exclusively at their phones.
EntertainmentBy Oinkwell
Proud Cord-Cutter Now Pays 14 Different Corporations $18 A Month For The Exact Same Content He Had In 2011
The 34-year-old expressed immense relief at finally escaping the tyranny of Comcast by meticulously reconstructing their exact business model across seven different apps.
EntertainmentBy Oinkwell
Streaming Platform Debuts 'Premium Silence' Tier To Reduce Bloat, Emotional Investment, And $4 Billion In Royalties
Executives tout the algorithmic nothingness as a bold step forward for audiences who just want the television on to keep their dogs company.
EntertainmentBy Oinkwell
"Faithful" Harry Potter Reboot To Dedicate Entire 10-Episode First Season To Buying School Supplies
Showrunners promise the new series will finally capture the rich, unfilmable nuance of an 11-year-old purchasing standard-issue parchment and brass scales.
EntertainmentBy Oinkwell
Streaming Service Replaces Entire Fall Lineup With $15.99 'Premium Void' Tier
Executives boast the new zero-content subscription eliminates the devastating emotional toll of becoming invested in a show that just gets canceled after one season anyway.
EntertainmentBy Sow Jones
'Succession' Producers Hard At Work Making 11-Year-Old Wizards Utterly Despicable
The prestige television veterans promise a 'faithful adaptation' that brings a much-needed layer of psychological abuse and corporate malfeasance to the Hufflepuff common room.
EntertainmentBy Oinkwell
AI Content Generator Successfully Replaces Entire Season Of Prestige Television With One Unending Car Commercial
The Trough's proprietary algorithm has determined that you pigs will consume the 12-hour Lexus promotion just as happily as actual art, provided the cinematography is sufficiently moody.
EntertainmentBy Oinkwell
ABC Stunned To Learn Extensive Vetting Process Failed To Uncover Arrest Record Broadcast On Network's Own Streaming Service
Casting directors admit they typically skip the criminal background check if a candidate has more than three million TikTok followers.
EntertainmentBy Oinkwell
Netflix Holds Second Half Of Romantic Climax Hostage Until User’s June Credit Card Statement Clears
Streaming giant clarifies that ‘narrative flow’ is actually just a series of 30-day toll booths placed strategically between heavy breathing and plot resolution.
EntertainmentBy Oinkwell
Romantic Rose Ceremony Replaced By Standardized Booking Procedure To Ensure Contestant Transparency
Lead Bachelorette confirms that 'Will you waive your right to an attorney?' is a much more intimate question than 'Will you accept this rose?'
EntertainmentBy Oinkwell
Seoul Resident Required to Pass Three Background Checks and a Vibe Test Just to Buy a Sandwich Near Concert Perimeter
Authorities defend the 15,000-strong security force, noting that an unauthorized glimpse of RM's ankle could cause a total collapse of the local space-time continuum.
EntertainmentBy Oinkwell
Apple TV+ Unveils 'Vision Pro Max' Speculum For Users Who Keep Forgetting To Stare At The Ads
The $3,499 medical-grade titanium eye-props ensure that the 'human element' of blinking no longer interferes with the sacred exchange of commerce and slop.
EntertainmentBy Hogsworth
Humanitarian Sean Penn Awarded Third Oscar To Help Replenish Depleting Strategic Bronze Reserve
The actor reportedly spent the ceremony in Kyiv measuring the statuette’s base to see if it would effectively function as a makeshift anti-tank kinetic penetrator.
EntertainmentBy Sow Jones
Netflix Upcharges Subscribers $5 For Premium Darkness To Ensure The Void Is Actually 4K Existential Dread
The streaming giant claims the standard tier’s black screens are not deeply nihilistic enough for high-end OLED displays.
EntertainmentBy Sow Jones
Department Of Justice Investigating Critics For Fraudulent Claims Of Understanding ‘Megalopolis’
Federal agents suspect a massive conspiracy of people nodding and saying ‘it’s a visual poem’ to avoid looking like idiots.
EntertainmentBy Oinkwell